Mara Gateway Associates
People make decisions based on feelings, not facts.
For Jim Jensen of Mara Gateway, the most underutilized asset in negotiations is the human element. “Write this down,” he says, “and commit it to memory: People make decisions based on feelings, not facts.
“This statement is the antithesis of most teachings about the ‘Art of the Deal.’ and, I am not suggesting for a moment that you ignore or dismiss the facts. But if you want to elevate your effectiveness as a negotiator—a key attribute of a strong leader—find some common ground or a way to bond with the person with whom you are negotiating. In the case of competitive negotiations where other individuals or parties are competing with you for what you are attempting to achieve a personal relationship with the person you are negotiating with will give you a competitive edge.
“If people like you and want to do business with you, they will make every effort to effect the transaction with you over your competitors. Expect the evening call at your home where the person with whom you are negotiating may suggest some ideas as to how you might restructure your offer to insure you the greatest chance of succeeding your negotiation.
“I want to share a real life negotiation where going out of my way to meet the people I was hoping to do business with resulted in successful conclusions that I believe would not have happened had I not made the effort to meet with these people in person.
“In April 2001, we were negotiating to purchase a Holiday Inn property in Santa Clara, California. We had a third party negotiating on our behalf. On Friday, April 27, the negotiations broke down. On Monday, April 30, one of our partners and I flew from San Francisco to meet with the sellers in San Clemente.
“We met from 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM It was a long day. There was a lot of giving and taking. We got the deal done fairly to both sides. Although the deal points were very important to both of us, it was the sidebar conversations about our kids, little league, the San Diego Padres, Chicago Cubs, Michigan State Spartans, Washington Huskies, fraternities, etc., that made real people treat each other as real people.
“The meeting had begun on an adversarial tone. But by remaining centered and nonconfrontational, focusing on interests, not positions, and genuinely attempting to understand the other side’s objectives, we were able to sort through the issues, reduce each other’s resistance, and have a successful meeting. Our parting words at the elevator were the promise to have a fun dinner together in the near future.
“The next day I received a fax at my home from the principal negotiator of the seller we had met with. The fax read, ‘Thanks again for coming down yesterday. It’s the only way to really get things done.’
“People have feelings. By nature, they really want to be loving and helpful. Most want win-win outcomes. Nothing can accelerate this probability more than face-to-face meetings with the people you are doing business with, provided you are committed to creating a meaningful relationship.”